Dear bicyclists,
We need to talk….Let me start by saying this. I dig the message you are promoting. I feel the whole peace, love, and granola idea of using mass transit and bicycles to cut down on carbon emissions. I too want to save the polar bears and the tigers. I will yield to you on side roads and vote for laws that add bicycle lanes on large roads. And I will even drive ten miles per hour if it means not passing you since it’s not safe for you, the clearly more eco-conscious person in this scenario. But our relationship needs some serious work; and in this case, dear bicyclist, it’s not me, it’s you.
Let me explain something to you. If you decide to ride a bicycle on main roads, you are still a vehicle! You still need to stop at red lights and stop signs. You do not get to cross with the pedestrians in the cross walk. You do not get to cut across an intersection when it’s clear. You also do not get to weave in and out of cars as if you are a mini cooper (note: mini coopers, you are also not allowed to do this).
And much like the way my cat can hog the bed with her tiny little body and scratchy claws, you somehow manage to hog the road on your little plastic death wagon. I do not approve of this. Remember earlier (see above) when I said I’d yield to you on narrow roads, this only applies when you are not actively attempting to make me late for work.
And on the topic of you taking up the road, remember this: you are a bicyclist; which means that if you (on your bicycle) dart in front of me (in my speeding block of metal and glass) you are going to lose. I do not want this. You do not want this. So please do not send me to prison for something I cannot prevent! I wouldn’t do well in prison. I hear they don’t have a Starbucks….
So shape up. I want to make this relationship work, and you need to do your part. I just can’t take the constant back and forth anymore. Just remember who you are and what your limitations and responsibilities are and we’ll get along just fine.
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