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I am addicted to coffee, comedy TV shows, and trying new things. I drink red wine and eat pistachio ice cream. I find the humor in everything I can, and think that I should share it. Sometimes my life is kind of embarrassing and ridiculous. These are my stories.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I wish I had a River...

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees
They're hanging up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river I could skate away on....


I found myself listening to this Joni Mitchell song over and over the other night. I listened to it on repeat for and hour and sixteen minutes. I never tired of hearing the melancholy sound of sadness in her voice. I couldn't get enough of the aching. And I wondered why it was affecting me so profoundly. I am not, by nature, a melancholy person. As Christmas nears I am not sad. In fact, I have much to be thankful for and to be happy about. I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, a loving man in my life, and a job. I have a roof over my head, playful pets who like to play with a brightly colored playthings, and dreams to sustain me. So I wondered what was pulling me to this low

An then it dawned on me. I was not listening to the sad music because I was sad, but because I needed to allow myself to go to that place emotionally where I can feel completely empty, thus allowing myself to once again appreciate the times when I am not in the dark. I needed time to contemplate on the times I've been through that weren't easy and that didn't leave me smiling when my eyes closed at night. 

So I would like to take this time to be grateful for all the storms i've weathered in my life. I am grateful for the pain and the heartbreaks. I'm grateful for the times i prayed and begged God to just let me fly away.....or to give me a river to skate away on.

I am beautiful because of those times. I am strong because of that driving rain. The rain feeds the river and gives me strength.

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